I spent a decent chunk of today rewriting my artistic goals. They’re not done. They’re not all that different from when I started except that a different organization is identified as my future savior. I’ll finish them tomorrow.
I also sent e-mails to two former teachers asking them to act as references. One said yes, I’m still waiting on the other. If that comes in I guess I’ll apply tomorrow. Or not. See this is a constant dilemma: this application isn’t due until the 31st and my play needs work, and I really want this one. So, do I wait until I’m so close to the deadline that I can see the whites of its eyes, probably obsessing over it and making myself miserable, possibly letting other things slip away, risking the possibility that I’ll lose my nerve and not send it at all, all in the hopes that I’ll get my shit together and do a rewrite? Or do I settle for what I have and hope for the best? If I send the thing tomorrow I’ll be overcome by a combination of relief and dread, the alternative is pure dread, followed by either relief + dread if I send it or relief + despair if I don’t. Either way it’ll be over.
The reality is, of course, that I probably won’t get this thing either way, that I’ll be lucky to get an interview (I’d give a foot for an interview, I interview really well), but when I get my polite rejection form letter I’m going to blame it on the decision to send the application now or to wait.